I have let life's busyness get the best of me and have completely neglected this blog. That's a bummer because a lot has happened. I hope to get back to some picture updates soon but this post will be a break from the norm and is about the process of mourning a loss.
Recently our sister-in-law lost her 36 year old sister to cancer. As Kath and I have been going through this with them, it has brought back a lot of reflections and feelings from losing our daughter Abby. I remember desperately needing friends and family to go through it with us. I also remember (for me anyway) some well intentioned words of encouragement that simply didn't help. Often the pull for many Christians going through a loss is to focus on the fact that their loved one is in a better place now... Heaven. While this is true and a beautiful thing, I realized that what I really needed at that time was to fully grieve the loss.... and then I could move towards hope. Oddly enough the most comforting moments I had were in the tears and embraces with very few words spoken. Our Pastor came to the hospital shortly after Abby passed away and spent hours with us and he said very little. He embraced us, cried with us and sat in silence with us.... for a while... and it wasn't awkward, it was God's presence... and it was very close.
Music also played a part in mourning Abby's loss. I found myself again being most comforted in a song that was sad and dealt with loss, but didn't wrap it up nicely at the end. The song stays in the moment... it stays sad... it cries out... and fully embraces the pain of loss. I think some very profound healing comes when we let go of the need to wrap up a time of grieving with a nice bow, but rather sit in the sorrow. "The sorrow grows bigger when the sorrow's denied" is a quote from one of my favorite songs that has helped me grieve in a healthier way.
Hope is crucial to healing, but I think hope can be better and more authentic when sorrow is fully engaged without being rushed into "everything is OK".... when it is not OK. My hope for this post is to encourage Lyndz & Brian (and others going through loss) to allow yourselves to fully feel the pain and sorrow of your loss.... so that you can experience God's close embrace because in that close embrace is where healing and hope comes.
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