My God is so Big!

Grieving, Hope & Healing... yeah not a light post!

I have let life's busyness get the best of me and have completely neglected this blog. That's a bummer because a lot has happened. I hope to get back to some picture updates soon but this post will be a break from the norm and is about the process of mourning a loss.

Recently our sister-in-law lost her 36 year old sister to cancer. As Kath and I have been going through this with them, it has brought back a lot of reflections and feelings from losing our daughter Abby. I remember desperately needing friends and family to go through it with us. I also remember (for me anyway) some well intentioned words of encouragement that simply didn't help. Often the pull for many Christians going through a loss is to focus on the fact that their loved one is in a better place now... Heaven. While this is true and a beautiful thing, I realized that what I really needed at that time was to fully grieve the loss.... and then I could move towards hope. Oddly enough the most comforting moments I had were in the tears and embraces with very few words spoken. Our Pastor came to the hospital shortly after Abby passed away and spent hours with us and he said very little. He embraced us, cried with us and sat in silence with us.... for a while... and it wasn't awkward, it was God's presence... and it was very close.

Music also played a part in mourning Abby's loss. I found myself again being most comforted in a song that was sad and dealt with loss, but didn't wrap it up nicely at the end. The song stays in the moment... it stays sad... it cries out... and fully embraces the pain of loss. I think some very profound healing comes when we let go of the need to wrap up a time of grieving with a nice bow, but rather sit in the sorrow. "The sorrow grows bigger when the sorrow's denied" is a quote from one of my favorite songs that has helped me grieve in a healthier way.

Hope is crucial to healing, but I think hope can be better and more authentic when sorrow is fully engaged without being rushed into "everything is OK".... when it is not OK. My hope for this post is to encourage Lyndz & Brian (and others going through loss) to allow yourselves to fully feel the pain and sorrow of your loss.... so that you can experience God's close embrace because in that close embrace is where healing and hope comes.

Abby's Birthday

On Monday we celebrated Abby's 4th birthday. What would our lives be like with a 4 year old girlie girl running around?! Oh, how we wish she were here!

We rode our bikes to the cemetery to bring a balloon and found Grandma's roses there. Later we went to the beach for some fun in the water...

Of course we had cake on Monday too! Sam helped decorate the pink frosting with sprinkles.

People have asked us, "Is it easier as time goes by?" No, it will never be "easy," but how we feel is different each year as we look forward to celebrating Abby's birthday. When we hear stories from you such as, "I remember Abby each time I wear my pink scarf," or "when a butterfly flits past I think of Abby..." we are so thankful that it's not just us who misses her. We think of her everyday and wonder what adventures we would be having with her and Sam.
Happy Birthday Abby...from Mommy, Daddy & Sam

First Camping...

Aw-yes camping with the Herzogies... is always a highlight for our summer. This year we camped at Muskegon State park.

We went on a couple of letterboxing adventures that Leslie looked up for us. We were successful on finding one of them. For more info on letterboxing... check out it out here. http://www.letterboxing.org/

Julia's potty training didn't stop just because we were camping. Sam decided to pull up a chair and well, we're not quite sure why he pulled up his chair to watch.

Sammer's is growing up too fast.

On Monday it rained... and rained some more. So we all went into our tent and made the best of it!

Now that's a morning of letterboxing and playing hard. The little ones were wiped out!

Sam checking out his first catch!

Sam & Julia absolutely loved riding their bikes around our campsite and just being crazy together.

The crew from the top. Jeremy, Julia, Gabby & Sam.

Thanks again Herzogies for another fun camping trip!

Catching Up

Seriously... more than 2 months since the last update?!! OK, we have some serious catching up to do! So no more screwing around. This may take you a few days to go through, but hang on and let's catch up together.

Let's start with Sam's cousin Nathan at his birthday party with the Vander Meulen family. Kath found this shirt for him and couldn't resist with Uncle Jim (Nathan's Dad) being a policeman and all.

All the of the cousins put on their hard hats and tool belts and got to work.

5 days after Kath went through radioactive iodine treatment for thyroid cancer she made it outside at home to continue her healing process. I wanted to post this picture because it was sunny and in the 70's and she had 3 layers of clothes plus a warm blanket to stay warm.

Immediately after Kath's doctor appointment when we found out she is cancer free (whoohoo!) we picked Sam up (after not seeing him for a whole week) and went to a Relay for Life event in Wyoming that a couple of Kath's coworkers were involved with.

It was an amazing evening - Kath walked the first lap with fellow cancer survivors (she being a survivor for literally just hours). We met some people with incredible stories. Here Kath, LTB and Sam are walking a lap together.

Don't really need to add words to this picture!

What better way to continue the road to recovery than to work on getting the garden ready.

On Kath's birthday we were all playing in the backyard at Grandma & Grandpa's house when we noticed Sam was no where to be found. Kath found him sitting on this rock hiding from everyone.

The above and below pictures are from one of the weekly hikes Sam and I take on Sunday morning. Except this time he hiked on his own 2 feet, no more riding in the back pack!

Sam rode in the tractor behind Grandpa for almost the entire time he cut the grass. It didn't matter that grass was whipping in his face, he was riding behind Grandpa in his tractor... It just doesn't get any better!

Our sweet outside-loving, adventurous boy has found a new hobby. He loves his new couch and has become quite a couch potato. Thanks Aunt Kathy!

Kath's mom, Kath and our sister-in-law Missy posing before running the Brian Diemer 5k. Kath has ran this race 18 of the 19 years of its existence. She was in Japan the one year she missed it. After nearly no training at all this spring and serious lack of energy due to no thyroid, this one was definitely mind over matter. And if you know Kath, you would expect nothing less than to hear that she ran the whole way. Well done!

After the race we all enjoyed the parade in Cutlerville before sending Mommio and our friend Letha off to Seattle for a few days.

We will end our time of catching up with Sam playing with the hose at our house. We are getting ready to go camping with the Herzog family soon, so we shall catch up again later.

Sandbox!

Sam is excited and ready to start pouring sand into his first sandbox.

A Front End Loader and Dump Truck in the sandbox... does it get any better?

I just like this picture.


Mommy taught Sam how to plant seeds in the garden and he wanted to do the same in his sandbox. Sometimes I think he is not paying attention and then he does something like this.

Sam and Nathan

Sam, Kath, Grandma & Grandpa VM went to visit Jim, Kathy & Nathan last week. Nathan and Sam love hanging out together - check out the pictures below.

Kath with Nathan sporting his Thomas the Train t-shirt.

Sam & Nathan both sporting their Thomas t-shirts.

Ah-yes... snack time on the front step.

Bath time somehow turned into what looks like a blue animal cult gathering.

Nathan and Sam loved feeding and watching the fish in Uncle Jim's new fish tank.

Sam was welcomed home with his first fish tank (a MUCH smaller version of Uncle Jim's!).

Cancer!

For those who do not know the story, here is a brief summary. Kath discovered a lump in her neck this past Dec. and had a biopsy done in January to check it out. We then got the phone call... yeah that one. It's cancerous... She has thyroid cancer and this past Wednesday (March 12) she had surgery to remove her entire thyroid. The surgery lasted just over 3 hours and the doctor said it was successful. She stayed one night in the hospital and we returned home Thursday evening.

Before surgery...

After surgery...

Thank you all so much for your prayers, calls, love and concern. We are so encouraged and strengthened by your prayers and various ways of reaching out. We will continue to give updates through email and this blog.

Reading Train books

After coming home, Sam immediately found his train books and started reading them to himself. If you can't understand him he is saying "I think I can".

How about a long overdue post!

Sammers sledding at Uncle Chuck & Aunt Char's house on Christmas day. Here he is hitting a jump!

Aunt Char had to give it a try... on Sam's sled. She did amazingly well.

Sam admires his "Frosty" out on the deck. About a week later a January thaw took care of Frosty.

Sam thinks he is ready to head outside and play in the snow.... uh, forgetting something Sammers?

Sam and his friend Abigail bring in the new year. Abigail stayed up to watch the ball drop and Sam woke up about 20 minutes before midnight to bring in the new year with us.

Happy Birthday Sammers!

Sam turned 2 on Jan. 20.... I know, we can't believe it either! We gave Sam a train set on Friday night so we would have plenty of time to play with it together. Well... he did (does) just that. He woke up Saturday morning and spit out his paci (yes, he means business) and played the ENTIRE day with his new train set. It is so much fun to see his mind at work.

Sam with his birthday dirt cake equipped with John Deere tractors and worms of course. Really he is excited about his birthday... maybe he is thinking about eating the worms.

Cousins Tammy and Jamie reading one of Sam's new books to him.

Sam loves hanging out with his cousins. Here Nathan and Tim are teaching him about paper football.

We have several fun pictures from the holidays that I will post soon. I know that was so last year, but they are good ones.